Annabanana

ok so I can finger spell faster than I can read it so took 3 times to get hello but think good way practice. I have dyslexiadoes this change or maybe why struggle so much. others pick up so fast even kids in at can I grab pen paper and hold on go back and shared that letter again. I. ant watch myself sign even I close my eyes do better. but was thinking at why so hard but when I look my hand I see back of my hand watching others it's front looks different was think maybe why. it sure. when I get this down I think will be good as I struggle talking. right now it new words I never heard or too many to put together what someine saying so I'm at what's that word........what word that word you just said.. .......which one.......the one I can't hear and never heard and no clue what your saying that word. blahhhhhh. what do you say when someone name is not usual and no idea how to say it but they yell at you or speak robot or tell you 20x and I can't hear them so no not sure how to say it I end up just stop talking and at hey you. or a nurse writing on the wall look at patient when speaking she can not hear you asked a question at time looking at the board I didn't answer she got mad but she was putting up look at patient when speak at the time. the light doesn't turn on does it not until it's you. does it turn on ever . or is my only hope in getting with only those like me. my life if all hearing peole who get mad or upset at me. I'm hai ing sarcasm a I get frustrated is this normal. I knew Braille was for blind people so when they don't know I'm going blind but know I can't hear them why do they offer Braille. I can see them

hi..... not good at new...... learning asl....always hard hearing since birth born early . hearing aids until last few years they said won't help now don't bother paying cost for them. now going blind so sign will be my way of communicating . I'm frustrated angry well just so much. I wa told I be totally deaf before 20 so was good I gone double this but I did not expect to go blind. I did not realize I was reading lips and things I said normal to me I was told is not. like turn around so I can hear you. my audiologist said my brain adapted to me losing hearing more and more. I found out last few years ago I had elhers Danlos syndrome and this may be why. . it's a connective tissue disorder. music has been a big part of my life and it feels,a big loss but I must say feeling music is a high. I can still pick up some instruments and very high pitch sounds. I started liking opera now I understand because it's what I could hear but now even that is not so but alarms,and sirens I can some instruments but tgey said it maybe I'm feeling more than I'm hearing it but used to what I say. I started sign choir at church when I found I was losing my eyes a person at church said why don't you join sign choir. I had no idea they had it. I was in hospice when it started and just got out very scared I would loose music that therapy and healing to me. so he said maybe help me learn better. so I did. at that time almost all could hear fine only like two hard of hearing in group. it's a struggle . as I was losing mote hearing I find myself crying watching sign overwhelm by those who have alot of expression. those without expression seem dead to me . and I am drawn to expression but I cry like a baby it's very emotional time for me and not understanding it all myself. struggling to sign coordination and my hands I feel like a baby. very frustrating other puck it up fast and the teacher has to get my hands right but everyone else can do it fine. they can hear but not understanding why my hands struggle this. I get horrible headaches watching now. I can o my go short times in conversation . me speaking I'm good but wa t hung others or watching others sign is horrible headaches and now seizures or the overload in STOP ENOUGH!!. I wish I wa bien with all this . I feel being born totally deaf would be better than hearing some to then loose it same with going blind. I'm terrified and scarred angry emotional and seems everywhere I go no one signs. to all those who have been deaf or hard of hearing sorry for a world who doesn't understand and even for my own part in not understanding the needs. as I look now even at Braille on a wall or sign I question how do they find Braille I never see a blind person feeling walls to see what doctors office they are at or in a hospital or anyplace I see Braille. it looked friendly until I was told I'm going blind as I started thinking more. it's a look . I had a tag saying look at me I read lips. I got offered Braille menus and people changing there faces only at me the robot talk in DO.......YOU.......WANT......A.......BRAILLE......MENUUUUUUU......... They didn't know I going blind. I had some hearing so I speak but with health challenges and siezures,and strokes I have changes. can't hear what I say or that I talk to loud or soft. I am told stop yelling at me when I did not no yelling at them. now told I also stutter since a bad 2 hour siezure. and just frustrated. been trying 3 years to learn but around no one who signs . I'm still at finger spell some signs but most I sign to or finger spell ate hearing people who sign. no one deaf. I still cheat as my director said reading lips. not sure why I'm struggling to learn more than others and reading sign even finger spell very slow I struggle to read but I can finger spell faster than I can read. I know my letters to sign myself but reading someone I feel like a newborn blind. takes me long time to figure letters I now doing it myself. I just got try beyond frustrating I'm at throw it out window. if I get better signing I feel ok pray it's better but I'm at can I text everything in life please. I cried getting it just at being able to call for help. I was overwhelmed I wanted to be alone not two people watching me cry and not explain in words when you can't get help to now get help was alot. then get use to they can hear me fine. I still forget this . when my nurse left my room as we test the phone in my bedroom I was like how can she do that she not in my room but can hear me like some magic trick. ok now I get it she can hear me without being in same roombuy it took me some time to understand this. same thing with call me. I'm use to text or email I'm not even sure how to call on my cell as I only use text. it's all new this calling part but I will say blahhhhhh nobody understands this but d/hi. my teacher showed Audism unveiled. overload in emotions truly in a room of mostly full hearing people learning for others or a job or just because. I cried anger hit like so many feelings hot me it was so much parts of my life being hit with a ruler or yard stick in school stop using my hands SPEAK!! ASL was not in school system and they refused to add it no funding. being told I go deaf early i was trying. scarred but I go to bed fingerspelling hi my name is .......doing my full name and what is your name please thank you where is the bathroom. lol ok basics down. now if your hard hearing and English class I feel my teacher wouldcsmack me for saying my name without using is. I been in hospital alot so hard to get in regular class. more home bound so going out is hard to meet others. I'm horrible still at sign and get bad headaches watching or focus to long and hard going into seizures now in stress of watching trying to understand/read. and in a world so unfriendly to this and yes I was also part of this you just don't understand until it's you. any advice from others at how to cope. how to deal with life. Reilly terrified even more to go blind when I see how much unfriendly this is as D/hh. that I feel hopeless going blind. they told me it will just happen u won't loose it slowly at any time I will just loose all sight that also takes how I hear. blahhh. ok tears just texting this.......not sure what to ask so much in questions and a try down that's again stopping communication and providers dropping me I call and it's hang ups or machines that when text says BEEP it's past area to give info . medical answers phone but hang up before I get hello in text. . I'm not on video relay as I still lost in asl the new-bee and feeling lost flying in a world I do not fit in

hi Angel I'm not good at asl I trying to learn myself. always had hearing challenges but losing my hearing more now and my hearing aids not helping anymore. I have elhers Danlos syndrome found out in 2015- 2016 I had this so no I can better understand why hearing has always been struggle. born very early micro preemee just told a birth thing now it the inherited thing. . I have heard of. d.i.d. is your military related (trauma) or before military. was. born into a military family . do you have alot of struggles from military life.... I'm now going blind so need to learn asl faster. I so wish I learn this as a child or baby frustrating to learn now when struggle health and life to now learn a new language at same time I th I k it will help so much but if I lived around people who sign. I feel I'm a foreigner in my own country at times with myself so many changes in health that I can't even understand myself so hard to explain to others what this is like. I have learning challenges already all growing up. learning to sign is really frustrating hearing people pick it up so fast. in beginners class I'm behind. I can't get my hands right I can't watch myself sign or I mess up more heads he's are bad trying to focus on sign I am on hand overload. and I want to scream. trying to rush this fast before going blind very scarry. people don't sign so as a blind person I am very upset to loose both hearing and vision . I'm not even 50. so very scarred as I still can see read lips but I'm losing so much feel like so very scarry. trying to find others close by me who sign but not the best with people and my health is not good and turns people away. just trying to deal with medical team and try get thru this feel like I'm sinking fast. I finger spell more sign is so hard without others and doing it all the time. my sign director in past told me to voice off I need learn ASL as I already struggle going blind will be alot harder to learn blind so he said voice off and sign. most know I talk so they get mad at time in medical if I don't speak deadly choices can happen. I keep going back to talking to them they get so mad if I sign or even try as a kid I was hit with rulers and yard sticks to speak not use my hands to talk. I use go to be sign my name and how are you what your name all in finger spell . strange part I can finger spell but reading others is a mess. in video the operator thru relay days to hospital I'm fingerspellingbits not ask they can't help.......almost 3 years noe and I'm still at basic and disccinected from so much that going blind has me at can I just check out of life before blind. I list my vision about 12 hours and was most terrifying 12 hours. I hear sounds so crashes or alarms sirens I'm a mess it's painful. I have ptsd so not tho k this will go well blind peope touching me constantly . they said I would not have my eyes this ling so I guess lucky but at same time I want say feel like gun pointed at me and waiting someone shoot me you get to point it's like just do it this torture. so not ready loose my eyes too. if have to be blind or deaf or both I wish it was at birth and never had it. to have it then taken away seems cruel. learning sign to understand another part of you is nice. I cried watching my church co creation trying to sign a song. it was overwhelm to see so many learning I just cried. getting my TTY phone after 10 months without communication really I again feel so overwhelm cried not sure can explain but feeling I can call for help now was alot for me but trying to figure out how others could hear me was off . she my nurse left the room she came up on my screen taking well in text outside my room ok so it took me awhile to understand they can hear in a other room without seeing me. have to remind myself others hear ok without looking at me I read lips and visual hearing so it's hard at first to understand they can be away and still hear me. I get it now but its still have remind myself this they keep text it's me talking to you I can hear you I was talking to relay thru text telling them to tell my nurse something. or using my voice to speak. some understand me some do not. they say my voice is worse after seizures or stressed. . ok going on alot it seems new still years in

hi new here but question is there a difference between English sign language and ASK. very new to this . I have one interp using English sign language one using ask. and seems different but was just told when adkingvwhy it's so different she said she uses English sign language. when I first started I was told English sign is like slang what people would think ASL would be. I am confused but feel I am waiting alot of time. I'm going blind and must learn and time is alot to me. I have spent several month with a person learning what I was told was asl but I been questioning as my first interp signs different. I know many add more to things but basic words different so I asked why she didn't say next visit she said she's using English sign. so can someine tell me the difference to English sign and true asl. feeling like a fool but she said she an interp she works with special needs and I really didn't look into schooling and all to check out how real but not feeling upset. is there English sign and asl are they different and is English asl kinds the fake asl.?frustrated. I have Elhers Danlos syndrome and lost more hearing in last 3 years. but have been hard hearing since birth but not around anyone who signs or deaf my family never learned and now going blind so I really need to learn but struggling all this at same time fighting my health in no cure illnesses. any suggestions if a start for people who are very new to asl but born hard of hearing but had some now legally deaf. I can pick up some high pitch sounds not words. I read lips and did without realizing as I lost more hearing but now I'm on overload and the headaches if watching people speak trying to figure words I never heard and I'm at a loss in communication and very much struggle learning asl my hands have alot of pain but even trying to learn I struggle with eye hand coordination. I finger smell as I try and learn more words . memory is also issue. do I even dare bring up tty phones I understand I think why most I have met laugh and are like toss it no good just learn asl and do video. most please let me know difference in asl and English sign do I stay with person I'm with or find another. thanks