I'm Angel and...

[angellargay]

...I'll bet you a nickle that this will be the strangest introduction posted for a bit.

As the title says, my name is Angel.  I'm a fifty-four year old, disabled vet, currently living in the Pacific Northwest (US).  I do not know any sign language at this point but am about to begin the journey.  So why now?  Yeah, explaining this is usually not how I lead in introductions but I cant honestly answer the 'why are you interested' part of the introduction without doing so.  I have Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID.  Those who are unfamiliar with that term may know it by the old term, multiple personality disorder.  One of my alters, is a thirteen year old named Lori.  Lori doesn't speak and sign language is her only language.  She's fluent, so I've been told, I don't know a word.  In an effort to more closely understand her world, I've decided to learn and am excited to begin.  

[Annabanana]

hi Angel I'm not good at asl I trying to learn myself. always had hearing challenges but losing my hearing more now and my hearing aids not helping anymore. I have elhers Danlos syndrome found out in 2015- 2016 I had this so no I can better understand why hearing has always been struggle. born very early micro preemee  just told a birth thing  now it the inherited thing. . I have heard of. d.i.d. is your military related (trauma) or before military.

was. born into a military family . do you have alot of struggles from military life....

I'm now going blind so need to learn asl faster. I so wish I learn this as a child or baby frustrating to learn now when struggle health and life to now learn a new language at same time I th I k it will help so much but if I lived around people who sign. I feel I'm a foreigner in my own country at times with myself so many changes in health that I can't even understand myself so hard to explain to others what this is like. I have learning challenges already all growing up. learning to sign is really frustrating hearing people pick it up so fast. in beginners class I'm behind. I can't get my hands right I can't watch myself sign or I mess up more heads he's are bad trying to focus on sign I am on hand overload. and I want to scream. trying to rush this fast before going blind very scarry. people don't sign so as a blind person  I am very upset to loose both hearing and vision . I'm not even 50. so very scarred as I still can see read lips but I'm losing so much feel like so very scarry. trying to find others close by me who sign but not the best with people and my health is not good and turns people away. just trying to deal with medical team and try get thru this feel like I'm sinking fast. I finger spell more sign is so hard without others and doing it all the time. my sign director in past told me to voice off I need learn ASL as I already struggle going blind will be alot harder to learn blind so he said voice off and sign. most know I talk so they get mad at time in medical if I don't speak deadly choices can happen. I keep going back to talking to them they get so mad if I sign or even try as a kid I was hit with rulers and yard sticks to speak not use my hands to talk. I use go to be sign my name  and how are you what your name all in finger spell . strange part I can finger spell but reading others is a mess. in video the operator thru relay days to hospital I'm fingerspellingbits not ask they can't help.......almost 3 years noe and I'm still at basic and disccinected from so much that going blind has me at can I just check out of life before blind. I list my vision about 12 hours and was most terrifying 12 hours. I hear sounds so crashes or alarms sirens I'm a mess it's painful. I have ptsd so not tho k this will go well blind peope touching me constantly . they said I would not have my eyes this ling so I guess lucky but at same time I want say feel like gun pointed at me and waiting someone shoot me you get to point it's like just do it this torture.  so not ready loose my eyes too. if have to be blind or deaf or both I wish it was at birth and never had it. to have it then taken away seems cruel. learning sign to understand another part of you is nice. I cried watching my church co creation trying to sign a song. it was overwhelm to see so many learning I just cried. getting my TTY phone after 10 months without communication really I again feel so overwhelm cried not sure can explain but feeling I can call for help now was alot for me but trying to figure out how others could hear me was off . she my nurse left the room she came up on my screen taking well in text outside my room ok so it took me awhile to understand they can hear in a other room without seeing me. have to remind myself others hear ok without looking at me I read lips and visual hearing so it's hard at first to understand they can be away and still hear me. I get it now but its still have remind myself this

 they keep text it's me talking to you I can hear you I was talking to relay thru text telling them to tell my nurse something. or using my voice  to speak. some understand me some do not. they say my voice is worse after seizures or stressed.  . ok going on alot it seems new still years in